In Dismantling Sexuality I and II I have encouraged you to re-focus your concerns about sexuality into terms that focus more on the development of a healthy ‘self’ coining the term healthy Selfuality.

Creating a shift in thinking takes practice.  It’s been said that it takes 21 days to create a habit, which is a shift in thinking that brings about change in action.  The topic of Selfuality has such a broad range of areas that are important.  So it may take you many 21 day trials to address all the area that you may desire shifting.  Be gentle, supportive yet demanding of yourself in creating your personal ‘shift’ in thinking.

Context
This is the viewer we have that let’s us look at the world.  It’s a real time player that allows all we think and remember to be a vivid contributor of what we see right now.  It is something that we all have and work from as we interact with each other.

When we see others we are interpreting what we see, based on what we know from our files. I.e. we see two people kissing in a lobby.   Our files may say; recognize this act, it’s a feel good act, it’s not the right location, that type kiss is for the bedroom only.   I am embarrassed.   These files and filters are complex piles of information that are constantly sorted and accessed, they are the information for our context in all we see and do.
When you are approaching your child or your child is approaching you for information for the development of their sexual self you have an opportunity to create healthy context with them.   You are the foundation for their life long ability to sort, process, feel and interact with their self and others. (no pressure there!)

• ‘Context building is about having the right information available to cope with the given situation.’

Here are a few questions you will want to review before going further.   Give yourself some time to work these through.   When you are answering them, try to be as descriptive as possible: how does that look?   What should it feel like? Sound like?

•  What is healthy selfuality?
•  How do I want my child to relate to their self?
•  How do I want my child to relate to others?
•  What information will my child need to do the above well?

Remember the context is for healthy selfuality. Before your can write about that, you need to define that for yourself.   Give yourself some time and be gentle.   This is not about knowing all the answers; this is about making a plan to try to give all you can for the development of your child’s healthy self.

As lead foreperson in the construction of this life foundation you have some next steps.   In order to do your best you need to believe you can do the job at hand.   You need to view yourself as a capable and confident person for the job.

Try this:
Repeat the words ‘I am capable’.  Try writing this out 100 times a day for 21 days and see if you can create a positive habit for yourself. (can’t hurt!)

Talk with others who offer you positive support- there are a number of people out there who want to belong and who want the opportunity to exchange about life and parenting topics.

The foreperson directs others to various roles, but before being able to provide that information to them they need to have a plan.

Try this:
Create an action plan – list off all the important pieces of information your child will need for a healthy self and then priorize the top ten.   If you spent time on the above four questions then you have a foundation or vision you want to work toward.   (If you didn’t yet you will have to before being able to effectively go further.)

The foreperson is also in charged with the responsibility to keep his/her people safe.   You are responsible to teach your child the proper language to use so that they can safely navigate the world.   Language use is a primary basic for creating context.   I.e. if you teach a girl that the name for her virginal area is a peanut, she may not understand what her teacher/doctor/friends are referring to in her future life navigation’s. How might she feel in those situations? Is that ok for your child?

Try this:
Practice words and labels; uncomfortable or not to practice the healthy words you want you’re your child and use them in context for your own life, with a safe friend or partner.
Remember a habit can be created.
Language development will assist you in delivering clear labels for various events and activities of life and the developing self.   Learning to describe these events, people and places will help to reinforce the label.   The more you are clear about the words, language and labels, the better understanding you will be creating.   This will provide a meaning filled context for your child.

Take a look at the potential and the resilience of the material before you.

• This is your child!   They have the capacity to be capable and confident contributors to this world.

You can help lay the foundation for learning and navigating a healthy Selfuality.   Take action for a healthy dialogue with your child and in turn contribute to the health of our society.

Kim McLeod, Ottawa © 2004