What does it mean when you say Good boy or Good girl?  What’s Good about them?

I listened to a pre-school teacher talk with children about a holiday and as they proceeded through the 20-minute activity I heard her praise the children only with Good boy and Good girl. Not once did she comment on what it was they were doing – that was good!  This distressed me.

How does a child know what they are doing well if it is only categorized by the word Good and their gender?

I spent the remainder of that class creating a list of what it is that the children were doing when praised. For every good boy/girl I came up with 3-5 specific actions or skills like; answering, choosing, listening, passing etc.  Identifying unique and specific skills a child demonstrates has an immensely positive impact on the development of identity.  It builds up the many parts of WHAT you CAN do verses what gender you are.  Over time you build the blocks of esteem and recognize their capacity.

How do you see the skills of others in your day?
Was the grocery clerk a good boy or girl? OR were they pleasant people who demonstrated great customer service and unprecedented grocery packing skills! ( I love that!)  Take time to watch the people around you and how you can find specific and descriptive ways to look at them instead of generalized labels.

Remember that your children are watching and learning all the values, skills and ways of recognizing them in others…all from YOU! ( no pressure -:-)

Here are a list of words you can use when describing the awesome skills your child is displaying.  ( Some words were taken from the resource ” The Virtues Project” you can download a poster of Virtues from them here:  Family )

Assertive                      Helpful
Self disciplined          Caring
Honest                        Tactful/careful
Cleanly                       Trust worthy
Compassionate/ thoughtful
Kind                            Truthful
Courageous              Loyal
Creative                      Loving
Determined               Modest
Enthusiastic/ joyful
Orderly                      Faithful
Patient                      Generous
Purposeful               Gentle
Reliable

Originally published 2004 / revised  2011